One of the most popular questions I get when I do tech safety workshops for parents is “how do I set restrictions for my older teen?” I think the most important thing to remember is that you’re not just setting restrictions, you’re teaching healthy habits. The brain of an adolescent is developing in such a way that your guidance is critical as they navigate these murky digital waters.
I like the term healthy when it comes to internet use because right and wrong is subjective. Your sixteen year old may believe that it’s ok to watch YouTube videos for five hours on a Saturday afternoon but you can use facts to help him understand that it may not be healthy. Our conversation with our teenagers shouldn’t be about what digital habits are right and wrong but what is healthy. Here are three critical factors to keep in mind while teaching healthy tech habits.
Relationship
Boundaries without relationship become rules and rules were made to be broken. Because of your healthy relationship you can help your teenager understand that the rules exist to protect them. You can create a safe place for them to come to when they need guidance on their tech habits, about how they’ve been treated online, or about regrets regarding something they’ve seen or done online.
As parents we shouldn’t close the door to conversation with instant judgement or constant nagging about the time they spend online. I recommend using digital means to keep track (with their knowledge) of what they do online and only bringing it up when it becomes a consistant problem. Relationship is the most important part of any internet safety strategy.
Transparency
Openness and transparency is key, not just on your teen’s part but on your part as well. It is critical that you are transparent with them about your tech habits. They need to understand that you’re trying to get it right as well and that the habits they develop now will affect them as they grow older. The best way for them to learn this is by watching you and hearing about how you’re having to deal with these same issues now. Whether you’re trying to keep them from dangerous content or help them avoid tech addiction, they should understand that you’re trying to protect yourself from those things too. The quickest way to cause your teen or young adult child to stop taking you seriously is for you to not practice what you preach.
Time Management
Obviously time management will be critical as your child graduates high school and enters college. Between jobs, studying, and extra activities they’ve probably already had to develop some form of time management skill. The lure and appeal of constantly available video, music, and gaming entertainment can make time management more difficult now than it’s ever been.
You have to help your teen understand what good time management looks like. Point them towards content on the tech that they enjoy, like YouTube videos, podcasts, or productivity apps and other tools that will help them learn more about healthier time management habits. Encourage them to use these tools alongside some of the entertainment they consume.
All three of these steps are related to each other and will greatly impact one another. If you don’t have a good relationship with your child that encourages communication, if you aren’t being a good example, and if you aren’t teaching and showing time management skills your kids are going to have a hard time navigating healthy tech habits. Online life is a real part of our world and it’s too important to ignore so utilize these steps and let me know what others you have used that have been successful.