Family Tech Blog

Tag: teens

  • Why I Told My 10 Year Old EVERYTHING About Pornography

    Why I Told My 10 Year Old EVERYTHING About Pornography

    Disclaimer: This post is a bit different than usual but it hits to the heart of why this blog exists. Thank you for understanding.

    Yesterday my 10-year-old son asked me what pornography is. Honestly, I thought he knew. I talk about it a lot when I speak and in podcasts and videos. I was surprised at his question but I answered him. I told him what porn is and why we avoid it.

    I told him that it affects your brain like drugs and causes your synapses to stop firing properly. I told him that what you see sticks in your mind and imprints as a template for what you prefer sexually. I explained, also, that the pornography industry is well known for abuse and sex trafficking. I told him EVERYTHING. Even though he’s only 10. Why did I tell him these things?

    First, because he asked. If we don’t take advantage of our kids’ curiosity we miss a chance to help them learn in a way that they’ll never forget. What’s worse is when we say “Ill tell you when you’re older” so they go find another way to learn about it now. Then we find out they googled “porn” or asked a friend about it and we come down on them. We get scared and explode at them and the shame cycle begins.

    I know this cycle well. That’s the second reason I told him the whole truth. I was 10 when my friend’s older brother brought in a VHS tape and said: “You guys HAVE to check this out.” From then on it was years of seeking out scrambled HBO or Cinemax. Sneaking up to the living room late at night to try and find something online to meet the insatiable appetite. Years of shame, of hiding, of never being satisfied. I was getting more broken with every video and every image. My mind was fracturing and I was losing who I was.

    When I was 18 I got busted. A super high phone bill (because that’s how the internet used to work) caused my mom to ask questions and I told her the truth. I told her I couldn’t sleep at night until I had “fed the beast.” That’s what it was like for me. I couldn’t function until that urge was given a release. She took away the computer and I started digging into scripture. I would read a verse and then write eight to ten pages about how it could apply to my life. I would dig into word meanings and unpack the context so I could fully understand what The Word said about who I am. That new habit changed me.

    Fast forward four or so years and now I am married. This is the third reason I am not shy to talk to my kids about sexuality and pornography. I married the most pure and righteous woman I’ve ever met. She had been taught to be pure and guard her heart while I was watching adult videos in secret. We are an incredible match but our intimacy wasn’t a match made in heaven. Imagine the confusion that comes from the two different ideas we had about sex. My mind was still wrecked from the fictional, abusive things I had seen. I had no clue how to respect and honor my wife in our intimacy. It has taken ten years to work all of it out and issues still surprise us every now and then.

    Our society isn’t afraid of sex. The culture your kids live in isn’t waiting for them to “come of age” before teaching them their truth about sexuality. The church isn’t helping. They’re too scared to speak up because people get uncomfortable. I fielded many frustrated parents when we, as a youth ministry, would try and teach healthy attitudes about relationships and sexuality. Moms and Dads HAVE to educate their kids and let them know how to understand purity, not as the absence of desire or sex, not as a discomfort with their body and what it needs, but as a healthy knowledge of why God created sex and in what context it can contribute to the overall wholeness of who you are and the relationship you have with your spouse.

    Share this to spread the word and if you feel the need to discuss this more, feel free to comment or send me an email. Let’s get this thing right. Let’s raise children who are less broken than we were.

  • Instagram will Begin “Recommending” Posts from Accounts You Don’t Follow

    Instagram will Begin “Recommending” Posts from Accounts You Don’t Follow

    A new “recommended for you” feature will be rolling out on Instagram very soon. This feature will post pictures from users that aren’t on your friends list in an attempt to get you to increase the number of users you follow. In 2016 Instagram changed the way your feed works by changing from chronological to an algorithm based timeline. The latest change comes as Instagram is looking for ways to better market their platform to advertisers. Increasing visibility of accounts run by companies should boost those accounts followers and therefore the reach of paid advertising. The content you see you will be chosen for you based on your likes in the likes of people you follow. You won’t necessarily just see any random image, but images that the Instagram algorithm believes might be relevant to you.

    What Parents Should Know.

    Obviously, any content delivered to our children and teens by an algorithm can be suspect. This change makes it increasingly important for you to understand who your children follow on Instagram. The best way to do that is for you to log into their account on your device and check regularly. While accounts that use spam techniques or inappropriate images won’t likely be delivered to users through this method, it is still against my wishes for anyone other than myself or my child themselves to determine who or what they see on social media. My best advice for parents is that you be proactive and keep an eye on your kid’s accounts.

  • Why the Repeal of Net Neutrality Matters to Every Parent

    Why the Repeal of Net Neutrality Matters to Every Parent

    Today, the FCC voted to repeal the net-neutrality rules that made access to the internet a Title 2 utility for consumers. This categorization, among other things, allowed the government to keep companies from denying, slowing, or charging extra for access to the internet and the content on the internet because it was considered a public right. The repeal removes those regulations and may allow companies to prioritize the content you can access based on their profit margin. The fears outlined by many non-profits, senators, online content creators, and companies that have taken action against this repeal include speed throttling, site blocking, loss of innovation, and a general prioritization of access by internet service providers.

    Supporters of the repeal have said that government oversight isn’t necessary to maintain a free and open internet and that the free market will keep companies from resorting to these feared measures in order to increase profits and popularity. They state that the internet was free and open before the 2015 Net Neutrality measures were passed and that it will continue to stay open after it’s repealed. 

     

    Screenshot from the 2015 FCC Net Neutrality Press Release

    What does (could) it mean?

    It may not mean a lot right away but it could eventually mean higher prices for internet use and a sort of “cable tv style” bundling of internet access. It could also mean a more difficult (or maybe even impossible) road to success for creative internet and software startups.

    Imagine, for example, that Spotify is getting started and it’s catching on with music fans. Then, imagine that Comast (everyone’s favorite ISP to hate) starts their own music streaming service because they see the opportunity to increase revenue. Since Comcast wants to be more successful they will have to come up with anything they can to attract more customers than Spotify. This may include slowing down data access to you while you’re streaming music through Spotify. Eventually, you may get annoyed enough to switch to Comcast’s own music streaming service simply because there are fewer interruptions in streaming. Spotify eventually fails because their users can’t get the access necessary to help the company succeed. Next Comcast makes their music service only available if you are a Comcast customer. What do you do then? Switch ISPs because the services you feel are most important to you are only available if you use them to provide you with your internet service? Finally, their prices can rise and rise because more people are using Comcast based on the fact that their favorite internet content has now become inaccessible on any other ISP. There is no more competition.

    I’ll give you that this is a worse case, distant future scenario, but if you look at Cable and Sattelite TV it doesn’t seem that far-fetched. Under Net Neutrality, Comcast, Time Warner, or anyone else for that matter aren’t allowed to throttle down internet speeds to certain sites and services. They definitely can’t block access to the sites you want to visit. They aren’t allowed to bundle websites into different cost packages either. This means you can use whatever streaming service and websites you like best and not have to worry about access being slowed or blocked. You can imagine why a small, non-profit, tech safety website startup might be a little concerned about ISPs getting full control of an audiences internet access. Net Neutrality puts access to the internet in a category similar to electricity and water. Access to these necessities is considered a basic right and the companies that profit from these resources are only allowed to operate in a way that allows equal and fair access to all users. 

    Why does it matter to parents?

    It matters to you as a parent because you want more people innovation online. You want services like Mobicip, Accountable2You, and Unglue to be able to create their products to help your family be smarter and safer online. If the only way to be successful online is to become affiliated with a major corporation or to pay that corporation to be included in their access package, many of the newest most helpful resources for parents wouldn’t exist. Again, I’m against fear tactics and panicking but I encourage you, as a parent who is concerned for their child’s safety online, to speak out. Contact your congresspeople and tell them you support Net Neutrality. The vote is over but the battle is not. Lawsuits and petitions are already beginning to be filed and you’ll be hearing about this issue for a while.

    I don’t like to spend much time talking about political issues but this could, eventually, affect this blog and our work for families in a serious way so I had to say something. Thank you, now back to your regularly scheduled internet safety blog posts.

  • Now ANYONE Can Make a Facebook Camera Filter!

    Now ANYONE Can Make a Facebook Camera Filter!

    Augmented Reality (AR) and Location Filters have become a mainstay of the social media camera. Snapchat started and Instagram, Facebook quickly followed suit, and before you know it, we’re all posting images and videos of ourselves with animated beards, mustaches, and hats. Your favorite fancy additions to your photos have always been created by select developers or advertisers so that those who run our favorite social media outlets can keep tabs on what’s being allowed on their platform. That has now, officially, changed. Facebook has opened up their public Filter and AR creator tools.

    “Starting today, we’re expanding availability of the platform and the AR Studio creative tool to everyone.” – https://www.facebook.com/FacebookforDevelopers/

    It’s truly as simple as going to the facebook developers site and downloading the AR software. Making non-AR overlays is even easier. The tool is built into the website. You simply upload your images and move them around wherever you’d like on the screen. You can use the tools to resize and edit your image as well as to remove the background so you get a transparent effect. While making a 3D mask takes some coding and design experience, making an overlay is a pretty simple process that just about anyone should be able to do.

    What Parents Should Know

    Obviously, there is no stopping the “AR train.” We all love taking photos with those crazy filters and it’s so neat to put some strange creature on your countertop and film it playing the guitar. Until now, we could trust that content being posted as filters on the Facebook camera had been created by legitimate developers and didn’t contain anything that wasn’t allowed by Facebook’s guidelines. Allowing public access to these tools basically makes filters and AR User Generated Content. I made one for FamilyTechBlog in about six minutes. There was no approval process (as far as I could tell) which leads me to believe that inappropriate content will only be identified by a “user flag and review” system. This could lead to who knows what kind of violent or adult-oriented filters showing up on our Facebook (and most likely eventually Instagram) camera.

    My advice for parents is to continue to talk to your kids about what content they use and see on their social media accounts. User Generated Content means that most of what has been posted hasn’t been edited or reviewed by anyone who can pull down non-approved posts. Algorithms and a flag system can only get so far in protecting our families from dangerous content. Parents should always be seeing what is posted by their kids and what their kids are seeing in the apps they use.

     

  • Instagram Update Could Open the Door for Porn and Predators

    Instagram Update Could Open the Door for Porn and Predators

    Instagram has just released an update that adds the ability to follow hashtags. This feature allows you to keep tabs on interests or events that you’re interested in without having to search for the tag every few minutes. It’s easy to follow a hashtag. Just search for the tag and then a follow button appears with the results. Or you can click on a hashtag in a post or story and then click follow when that result appears. From then on the hashtag will show up in your instagram timeline just like the people you follow. When you are done seeing everything posted under that tag appear in your Instagram feed, you can just go back to the hashtag search result and tap “Unfollow.”

    What Parents Should Know

    Being able to follow hashtags has been a “thing” for a while now on Twitter. It has long been a way for events or products to feature themselves and allow attendees or fans to keep up with what’s going on. The problem with our kids blindly following hashtags is the potential for other users to abuse the tag and use it to get attention on their content. Some of that content may not be very wholesome. Pornography is fairly easy to access on Instagram if your kids know where to look. The potential for these adult-oriented posts to add a non-related hashtag so that followers will see their content is cause for concern.

    Imagine your teen follows #pokemon on Instagram. All someone would have to do is put the #pokemon tag on their innapropriate photo and it would, likely, show up on your his Instagram feed.

    Also, sharing the hashtag for an event you’re currently attending is, in essence, the same as sharing your location information. If you kids are sharing a Prom Night hashtag, then whoever wants to can follow that hashtag and see all the activity and who knows what plans could come from that. Unfortunately, with every great new feature, there seems to be a new danger that accompanies it. My advice is to encourage your kids to post with hashtags after an event has ended. Kind of like posting the memories of the event instead of live-photo-blogging every little thing they’re currently doing. Including where they’re headed next. You don’t have to have too big of an imagination to think of some ways that could be dangerous.

  • PODCAST: 2017 in Review and What’s to Come in 2018

    PODCAST: 2017 in Review and What’s to Come in 2018

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    Exciting new things coming in 2018 for BecauseFamily. This episode rounds out the rest of 2017 and gives you a heads up as to what to look out for in the coming year.

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  • This Week So Far: Social Media News

    This Week So Far: Social Media News

    Youtube want’s 10,000 people making sure their videos are safe.

    YouTube has been blasted recently for allowing inappropriate videos onto their kids app and allowing abusive comments on videos featuring children. They responded by shutting down some abusive channels and working harder to fix their algorithms that identify videos as safe for kids. Their latest change is going to increase the manpower involved in curating kid-safe content.

    YouTube claims that they are aiming at 10,000 new employees whose job it will be to strengthen their algorithms, enforce reviewing policies, watch and remove flagged videos, and respond to concerned users about content. This increase in manpower should be a step towards a safer YouTube but is it too late?

    Several companies have already pulled their advertising from YouTube stating that the platform needs to fix their content policies. YouTube responded fast once their bottom line was affected. This is good for parents since more people responding to problems should keep some of the worst video content off of YouTube.

    You can save your Instagram Stories posts.

    Instagram Stories is in the news again and this time they’re making it permanent. Until now your Story videos and photos lasted 24 hours and then disappeared. Instagram’s latest update now gives you the option to turn on archiving for Stories. Once turned on the archiving feature will save your Story videos and photos alongside the ones you’ve archived from your main Instagram posts.

    Archiving Stories can be a good tool for parents to use to keep their eyes on what their kids have been uploading to Instagram. Have your kid turn on this feature. If you are logged into their account on your phone you can turn the feature on yourself and see what they have shared even if you don’t check every day.

    What Parents Should Know

    With the release of the Facebook Messenger Kids app, YouTube trying to make videos safer, and Instagram making videos and photos more permanent, we are seeing some movement towards a safer social media experience. Still, the dangers exist and we have to be vigilant as parents to know was happening and what our kids are doing on social media. Hopefully, these updates keep you in the loop and help you make quality decisions for your family.

  • Parent Guide: StarWars Battlefront 2 (Story Mode)

    Parent Guide: StarWars Battlefront 2 (Story Mode)

    StarWars Battlefront 2 S.A.F.E. Rating

    Violence: 3 out of 5
    Language: 4 out of 5
    Sexual Content: 5 out of 5
    Positive Message: 4 out of 5

    Total: 16 out of 20 = Older Kid Friendly!

    **This review is for the story mode of StarWars Battlefront 2. Multiplayer content can vary due to downloadable, upgradable, and user-generated content. 

    The Game

    Battlefront 2 is the first in the series to have a story mode. The game contains story elements that are considered “canon” for the overall StarWars story. This makes it an even more appealing feature for this game and the good news is that the story is actually pretty interesting. You follow a couple of characters who were raised and trained in the Empire and have some second thoughts about their loyalty to the Emperor and his followers after events following the battle of Endor. The story takes you through playing as several characters including a Jedi and a Sith Lord. You also get to fly several ships and pilot a few vehicles. The game is still obviously designed for the massively multiplayer online battles and the campaign is designed to highlight all of the online features. If feels very much like a Battlefront game and seems to have a lot of replayability.

    Violence/Gore (3)

    This is ultimately a war game so you find yourself in constant combat. The violence is everpresent with shooting, lightsaber battling, electrocuting, and explosions. There is, however, very little to no gore in the game. Lazer bolts and lightsabers don’t cause you to bleed and if you use grenades, rockets, or vehicles to blow up your enemies they just fly around from the shock of the explosion. There is no loss of limbs or severe damage shown. You can’t go into a StarWars title and not expect to see some violence but this game contains combat of the PG to PG-13 variety, no more than any StarWars film.

    Language (4)

    There is no adult language in Battlefront 2. I will repeat here, however, that that fact changes greatly when you join multiplayer battles and those you’re playing with have microphones. Then, though, the language isn’t coming from the game, but from the people you are playing with.

    Sexual Content (5)

    The story mode of Battlefront 2 had no sexual innuendo or content at all. There is one kiss but it isn’t graphic or adult oriented in any way.

    Positive Message (4)

    As with any StarWars story, the message of Battlefront 2 one is hope and redemption. The rebellion is trying to bring freedom to the galaxy and the Empire is doing everything they can to keep their grip around the galaxy. The main characters are trying to be redeemed from a lifetime of fighting for an Empire they no longer believe in. The reason this game doesn’t get a 5 for Message is that, again, just as in many StarWars titles, the bad guys are super cool in BattleFront 2. It is fun to wield the red lightsabers and the dark side force powers. I obviously don’t believe playing StarWars Battlefront 2 will cause kids to want to turn to the “dark” side but I will say that there is a bit of glory given to those who are on the “bad” side of this story. Good vs Evil can get complicated, especially in real life, StarWars has always kept it pretty clear who is who. Battlefront 2 keeps that tradition alive.

    Final Thoughts

    I have played the Battlefront games for years. It is pretty cool to see them adding a story to the game since StarWars stories tend to be so interesting and inspiring. If your kid(s) has asked you for Battlefront 2 for Christmas it’s important to keep a couple things in mind. First of all, this game, while the violence isn’t brutal and gory, is still a first-person shooter. The risk of attention and anxiety problems in young men increases with more time spend playing FPS games. Secondly, this game has been marred by a bad reputation for getting players to spend money in order to excel in the game. EA, the publisher of Battlefront 2, has had to revamp a lot about how they do microtransactions and upgradable content and characters because players have been complaining and boycotting the game. No matter which side of the fence you or I sit on spending money to buy things in a game you already paid $60 to play in the first place, your children are being marketed to within this game. You, as a parent, need to be aware of that.

  • Released Today: Facebook Messenger For Kids!

    Released Today: Facebook Messenger For Kids!

    Kids love social media. They like sending messages to friends and family. They absolutely love using filters and masks to share silly images of themselves. The problem is that social media wasn’t created for kids. It is for grown ups. That makes the social media world dangerous for our -13 kids. Enter Facebook, who is now trying to make social media and messaging safer for our children. Messenger Kids was released in the U.S. today on ios and the new app brings some favorite Facebook messenger features to our youngest family members.

    You set up your child’s account for them and they don’t need a Facebook profile to use Messenger Kids. Once you’ve downloaded the app and logged in with your own Facebook info, it will let you add your kids to the app and then ask them to take a photo and enter some information. Then, as simple as that they’re able to chat with you. To add contacts you search or browse your friend list and give your child permission to contact them by clicking “Add.” It can all be done from your own Facebook settings without access to your child’s device. They can also ask permission to add someone to their messenger app.

    As far as privacy and settings, Facebook has to be pretty specific with their rules. For example, Messenger Kids doesn’t collect ad data, their profile won’t show up in search, there is no advertising within the app, and there is no automatic account upgrade once your kids reach Facebook’s approved age. This is good news and proves that Facebook put some thought and research into what would make the Messenger Kids app fun and safe for kids. Messages don’t disappear and can’t be deleted or hidden. If an inappropriate image is sent, the child can report and the parents will be alerted that their kid has reported something that made them uncomfortable. One of the very few cons of the app is that parents can’t see videos or messages that their kids have sent and received except for taking the device and looking for themselves.  This is also, likely, due to privacy concerns and legal issues but it sure would be nice to at least be able to see messages that have been reported by our kids.

    What Parents to Should Know

    It isn’t very often I can fully recommend an app to parents but so far, I’m feeling like Messenger Kids meets my standards. The GIF options are curated by editors, not an algorithm and the filters are carefully selected and designed just for kids. Control is in the hands of the parent and that is exactly what I’m always wanting to see when it comes to apps designed for kids. The concern about time management does remain, however, so it is important to make sure your children are spending enough time doing other things. Messaging with family and friends can be fun but it is still screen time and it has been proven that kids need more than just screen time as entertainment. Use time management apps or just your own enforcement to be sure that your kids are only using Messenger Kids as long as you’ve decided is healthy.

    It’s great to see an app that brings features that kids love into a safer environment for them. I downloaded this app and have set up an account for my 10-year-old son. He has already enjoyed sending messages, using the camera filters, and even playing an AR game that is included. Why don’t you check the app out too and send me a message or email me and let me know what you think?

     

  • Social Media News: Youtube, Snapchat, and Instagram Update Information

    Social Media News: Youtube, Snapchat, and Instagram Update Information

    Here’s a rundown of the social media news for this week thus far.

    Snapchat is changing “everything.”

    In an attempt to increase both user numbers and ad revenue, Snapchat is making some major UI (User Interface [the buttons, controls, and setting options on an app or software that allow you to use the app or software.]) changes. In a video by CEO Evan Speigel, he claims that the new Snapchat will separate your social from the media. He says that “your friends aren’t content, they’re relationships” and should be kept separate from the paid advertising and influencer content on the Discover page.

    The app will still feature the “swipe right/swipe left” control style with the left being your friends and right being the Discover page. The Discover page seems to be going through a bit of an upgrade too with animated thumbnails (title images) and including more content from influencers along with the paid media articles. Snap Inc. is hoping this change will make the Snapchat app more appealing to more users and increase buy-in from those who have installed it but don’t use it much. Only time will tell.

    Instagram now lets you ask to join live stories.

    Instagram released the ability to join a friend’s live story just a few weeks ago. The feature has gained some popularity but they’re hoping that the latest addition will make the Live story an even more integral part of the Instagram experience. The latest update allows audience members to request to join a live video on their friend’s Instagram. It isn’t as much an added feature as it is a streamlining of one they released previously.

    Being able to ask to join a live story will increase the visibility of many Instagram accounts and could cause users to spend more time on Instagram. That, at least is what the company is counting on.

    Youtube is soon adding a “stories” type feature of their own.

    The Story feed was started by Snapchat, perfected by Instagram, and flopped on Facebook. Now Youtube wants in on the action. Reels is Youtube’s answer to the latest social trend. This addition lets content creators create quick 30 second vertical videos to keep their followers updated on what’s happening. It lets vloggers and video creators make more content with less commitment.

    The biggest difference from the other Story features is that Youtube’s Reel videos will not disappear and they can make multiple Reel videos. Youtube has been trying to make their app more social and it’s obvious that Reels are a huge step in that direction. They haven’t announced when Reels will be released but you can count on the S.A.F.E. Family Tech Blog to let you know when they do.

    What Parents Should Know

    It’s always important for parents to understand what their kids’ favorite apps are capable of. For many of our children, Social Media apps are the most commonly used. These recent updates should help you be informed about what your children can do with these apps. My advice is always to download these apps for yourself so you can play with all the features. Talk to your kids about what the apps are best used for and what behavior you believe to be healthy or not healthy on social media. Use examples and share about difficult social experiences you’ve had that would have been even worse if they had been online. Strengthen your child’s sense of self-awareness and confidence to ensure they represent themselves in a healthy way online. Most of all, keep an eye on what your kids are posting on their social media accounts and continue to stay informed so that you can be ahead of the social media curve.