This is a special crosspost from my other podcast, Raising Connected Kids.
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WELCOME to Raising Connecting Kids the podcast that answers your questions about the connected world your kids are growing up in.
I get multiple questions a week. Sometimes through email or FB messages and sometimes face to face at an event or meeting. In this podcast, I’ll be answering the most common questions I’ve had and even, your questions. Email me at BecauseFamily@gmail.org to get your question read and answered on the Podcast.
Question 5: What are some good things about our technology?
Since we’re distancing ourselves, perhaps we should focus on some of the good things our kids can use technology for. Here are some ideas and safety tips for using Tech to your advantage, not your detriment.
Thank you again for listening to Raising Connected Kids, the podcast that answers your questions about the connected world your kids are growing up in.
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Remember to visit BecauseFamily.org/partnership to partner with us as we protect children and teenagers by bridging the technology gap between them and their parents.
We don’t like Snapchat. It has a history of allowing content that isn’t appropriate for kids even though the app is rated 12+ in the app store. The app is built around disappearing messages that are a nightmare for trying to prevent predatorial communication and sexting. Now, Protect Young Eyes has written an article highlighting the fact that, in just a few taps on your screen, you can get from Snapchat’s home page to Pornhub, the most popular pornography site on the internet. They even included a video that shows how easy it is to navigate to the adult site without ever leaving Snapchat’s app.
Most filters for iPhone don’t monitor browsers in apps like Snapchat and Facebook. This is why the ability to connect to adult websites within these apps is so dangerous. It only takes a few taps on your screen to go from the Snapchat story to the “Premium” page on which you can click links to all of their other accounts. These links don’t open other apps that would be blocked by Screen Time or other parental control software. Instead, it opens in a browser within Snapchat, allowing access without being blocked by your filter or sometimes even reported by your Accountability software. The only real way to keep your kids off of those sites is to limit which apps they are allowed to use by blocking the app altogether.
It seems that every time something gets popular, someone finds a way to turn it into a dangerous internet meme. The movie Birdbox on Netflix stars Sandra Bullock and features her adventure with two children through a dystopian wasteland five years after a mysterious force caused mass suicide all over the world. Because this force causes you to kill yourself when you look at it most of the main characters spend the entire movie wearing blindfolds. Enter said internet meme.
Bird Box
The Birdbox Challenge is a video meme that asks its participants to do mundane, regular tasks while blindfolded. People have done things like cooking, walking through their home, spend 24 hours blindfolded, and even driving while blindfolded. Some of the earliest challenge videos received millions of views in a matter of days. Obviously content creators felt the need to outdo themselves and others. This led to some dumb and even dangerous stunts that eventually led to a warning from Netflix and the banning of all BirdBox challenge videos from YouTube.
People have filmed themselves walking through traffic and driving while blindfolded leading to a couple of car crashes including one by a teen in Layton, Utah. These challenges can be dangerous and unfortunately the popularity travels so fast that our kids are the first ones to learn of them and try them themselves. Always looking for something of theirs to go viral, our kids will try to copy and even outdo the other videos they’ve seen online. The TidePod challenge is another example of escalation causing a silly meme to get out of hand and even hurt people. The Tide Pod challenge was also banned by YouTube and Tide even did a series of commercials to discourage people from participating.
Whenever anyone, especially our kids, gets harmed by something as ridiculous as a challenge on the internet there is an outcry for someone to take responsibility. We may speak out against law enforcement for not cracking down or the production company for making the show the memes are based on. Maybe we’ll want the streaming platform or social media service that these memes are being shared on to take responsibility. Wherever we place the blame, we are understandably longing for someone to answer for these stupid and dangerous occurrences.
Gaming, social media, entertainment, and education have all come under fire from time to time for the influence they have over our kids. Learning about dangerous challenges can happen naturally from friends but the ability for information to spread over the internet is unprecedented until now. The inspiration for some of these challenges come from the media our kids consume. There are so many factors, though, that cause the spread of all this craziness but the one factor that is constant is the lack of moderation and responsibility.
As parents, we should see these occurrences as warnings that it is time for us to be more involved in what our kids are doing, whether online or offline. We have no excuse since there is so much hardware and software available to help us monitor what is happening on our kids’ screens. We are hearing all of the time that we need to be involved and that we should take responsibility for the things our children are seeing. It also falls to us to teach our kids to take personal responsibility for their actions.
Teaching Responsibility
When our kids see Netflix putting out warnings or YouTube banning content, they see a major corporation taking responsibility for their user-base’s stupid choices. In reality, though, these companies aren’t taking responsibility, they are covering their own back sides before something truly horrible and reputation ruining happens on their service or platform. We live in a world that wants to skirt around responsibility and find someone else to blame. Our kids aren’t going to learn how to take the fall for their own actions unless we teach them to do so. Here are some ways my wife and I teach that to our children:
1. They must ask forgiveness and they must give forgiveness.
We don’t just let our kids say they’re sorry. When they hurt each other’s feelings they must ask to be forgiven and then we expect the other child to say more than “It’s ok.” we want them to say “I forgive you.” This causes the offender to understand that their actions caused someone harm and the offended to realize that they have a responsibility to honor the request for forgiveness.
2. They have chores.
Our children have responsibility for things they do around the house and they don’t get paid for it. We consider keeping your room clean and your laundry in the hamper a basic requirement for living in our home. They have other chores that they cycle through and they don’t get to bargain or trade, no matter which ones they dislike or like they have to do what the chart says for that day. This way they’re learning to do junk they don’t enjoy just because they are required to do it. They don’t get paid for this either unless you consider that fact that they have to have it done to even ask to get screen time.
3. They buy their own stuff.
Our oldest two children have made some money through performing and sometimes they all get a chance to do odd jobs for friends and family to earn some cash. When they have money, they like to spend it and when it’s gone, it’s gone. We don’t usually agree to fit the bill on stuff they want. They can wait for birthdays or Christmas or they can buy it themselves. That’s how life works.
4. They are told no a lot.
We have learned the power of saying no to your children. As our oldest two have grown up they’ve heard no so much that they know when to not even ask. Sometimes I’ll have what I call a “Yes day!” this is a day when I say yes to pretty much anything they ask me (within reason.) I don’t tell them it’s a yes day but they tend to figure it out pretty quick and we all really enjoy doing things together that I would normally say no to without thinking. (Think playing four hours of Risk with your 11 and 9 year old.)
These things aren’t world changing but they can be life changing and can go a long way to help you instill a sense of responsibility in your kids. Making them take responsibility for how they feel and how they make others feel is something that I believe is truly lacking in our society and our kids have a head start at becoming excellent human beings from that step alone. Learning how to work for and spend money wisely teaches them that they are responsible for how they spend their time as well as what they earn and what they have. Finally, hearing no is critical for kids from a very young age. Life isn’t fair. There are things in life that just happen when you don’t want them to or things that you wish would happen to you that happen for others instead. This. Is. Life. Get used to it.
Instagram has just released an update that adds the ability to follow hashtags. This feature allows you to keep tabs on interests or events that you’re interested in without having to search for the tag every few minutes. It’s easy to follow a hashtag. Just search for the tag and then a follow button appears with the results. Or you can click on a hashtag in a post or story and then click follow when that result appears. From then on the hashtag will show up in your instagram timeline just like the people you follow. When you are done seeing everything posted under that tag appear in your Instagram feed, you can just go back to the hashtag search result and tap “Unfollow.”
What Parents Should Know
Being able to follow hashtags has been a “thing” for a while now on Twitter. It has long been a way for events or products to feature themselves and allow attendees or fans to keep up with what’s going on. The problem with our kids blindly following hashtags is the potential for other users to abuse the tag and use it to get attention on their content. Some of that content may not be very wholesome. Pornography is fairly easy to access on Instagram if your kids know where to look. The potential for these adult-oriented posts to add a non-related hashtag so that followers will see their content is cause for concern.
Imagine your teen follows #pokemon on Instagram. All someone would have to do is put the #pokemon tag on their innapropriate photo and it would, likely, show up on your his Instagram feed.
Also, sharing the hashtag for an event you’re currently attending is, in essence, the same as sharing your location information. If you kids are sharing a Prom Night hashtag, then whoever wants to can follow that hashtag and see all the activity and who knows what plans could come from that. Unfortunately, with every great new feature, there seems to be a new danger that accompanies it. My advice is to encourage your kids to post with hashtags after an event has ended. Kind of like posting the memories of the event instead of live-photo-blogging every little thing they’re currently doing. Including where they’re headed next. You don’t have to have too big of an imagination to think of some ways that could be dangerous.
While our TVs are getting more and more similar to our computers and our Computers are being used to watch TV, Snapchat is taking steps to make their Social Media platform another major purveyor of original video content. Snap INC announced today that they’re joining with NBC to turn your phone into another TV. Since everyone’s eyes are always on their phones, NBC sees an opportunity to put their content on what people are already viewing.
Snap Inc, the company that owns Snapchat is launching its first scripted series with NBCUniversal and the Duplass Brothers’ Production company, Donut. Not only are they working on scripted shows, they’re also building a studio to be ready to film content made to fit the vertical format of a Snapchat story.
What Parents Should Know
There was a time when we were super careful what we allowed our kids to watch. If the shows are on the Social Media apps they are already using for hours every day, it’s going to get more difficult to keep tabs on what content they’re watching. Moms and dads should be aware of what shows are being produced for Snapchat, Musical.ly, Facebook, YouTube, and any other video streaming service.
The Duplass’ brothers are known for producing more mature content so the fact that their company is working on this shows provides evidence that Snap INC is trying to appeal to a more adult audience. This could pose a problem for those with younger teens who use Snapchat. My advice is to keep your eyes on the shows that are being released and talk to your kids about what they’re watching on their phones. Screen or WiFi/Data bedtimes are a good idea, as are time limits. Whether you use something like Circle or GoogleWiFi to set your bedtimes or use the more manual, “phones in the basket” approach, you should be aware of how much time is spent watching shows, and what shows are being watched.
Everyone has an idea of how you should safely view today’s eclipse. Use the glasses, don’t use the glasses, use a pinhole projector (we’ve made ours) watch live coverage. However you want to view the eclipse in person, you need to know a few things before choosing which live stream coverage you’re wanting to use. For some reason, those who cover events like the eclipse aren’t always scientists or educators and they may give dumb, or even dangerous advice. They might even have non-age appropriate language or other content in their videos, coverage, or advertising. Here are a few of the channels and videos that we recommend so that you can learn about and enjoy live coverage of today’s total eclipse.
Live Feed
NASA:
I’m only listing this one option. They have a pre-show with more science facts than you can handle and then live coverage from multiple parts of the country. You know the information and advice will be good because these are some of our country’s absolute best scientists. Enjoy!
Some great educational videos about the eclipse and other science facts. National Geographic is a trusted source for nature and science information and education.
Sci Show Space has great scientific learning videos as well and is perfect for those who are a bit older. The link above is to a search for the eclipse videos on their channel.
Be smart about what videos you show your kids and whether or not you allow follow-up videos to autoplay. Turn autoplay off to avoid accidentally exposing them to content you didn’t expect and aren’t ready for them to see. The eclipse is a great opportunity to teach your children some science facts but you have to be wise with what tools you use. Hopefully, the resources listed in this article will give you an idea of where to start. Be safe, and have fun.
Sarahah is an app that snuck up the charts over the past weeks. It was originally put on the app store in June but is already sitting at number one on the free app charts in iOS. This app allows you to leave anonymous comments about people. The idea is that, since it’s completely anonymous, you can be honest and say what you really think. This can obviously lead to some really encouraging and uplifting posts, maybe it could cause a crush to reveal themselves, but definitely, it will cause mean people to do what mean people do. The risk of bullying on this app is very very high.
This isn’t the first app of its kind but none have risen in popularity so quickly. “Sarahah” is the Arabic word for honesty, the app’s website describes the goal of the app simply:
“Sarahah helps you in discovering your strengths and areas for improvement by receiving honest feedback from your employees and your friends in a private manner.”
Again, the app is very new but development is happening fast (five updates since its June 13th release) and the app promises more features to come. Something like a planet icon on the bottom of the screen seems to hint at a future explore or discover page and they mention on their site that they’re studying an option to allow users to reply to the comments that come through Sarahah. The appeal of the app is obvious, most of us wish we could say whatever we are thinking to someone and there are also those of us that wish we could hear exactly what people think of us all the time. This may be fun or even cathartic for grown adults, but when teens and tweens are in the throes of development, hormones, and emotion, is this app a good idea?
What Parents Should Know
My Facebook feed has begun to blow up with Sarahah messages that have been screenshotted and shared. Most of the ones I see are people celebrating a super nice comment they got from someone but I’ve seen a few that were laughing at the commenter who was being a jerk. Those I’ve seen on Sarahah were adults, mostly because I don’t follow many young people on Facebook but there is no doubt, seeing this app climb the charts like it did, that there are younger users too. Parents should be cautioned that this app is rated 17+ for unrestricted web access, profanity, and adult humor. The issue is that since anyone who wants can post whatever they want (it’s called user generated content) it’s next to impossible to ensure there will be no adult content on the app. Secondly, I warn parents, as I did above, about the dangers of bullying through this app. The bully follows our kids around in their pocket and this app gives them the ability to say whatever they want without any way to identify who they are.
There is already an epidemic of kids feeling like they can say whatever they want online without consequence. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case because the one reading what is written feels real emotions based on what’s been said. The ability to be completely anonymous could cause kids to be even crueler and could even lead to kids who wouldn’t say anything mean to some one actually doing it because they don’t see how they can be identified as the culprit. You can block users who you don’t want to message you anymore but once you’ve done that the damage could already be done.
My advice is to disallow this app on your kids’ phones. You can do it the old fashion way by looking at their phone yourself and uninstalling that app if you see it. You can also set age restrictions in the app store or parental control/restrictions options on your kids’ devices. This should block Sarahah since it’s rated 17+. As an adult, maybe you enjoy this app, I would advise caution to you too. Not only are you putting yourself out there to be spoken to anonymously by anyone who could say whatever they want but you’re also setting an example for your kids.
I had some deep thoughts during Father’s Day yesterday. As always they concerned my work with families and internet safety and so I posted the following status on Facebook. I want to make it available to our blog readers here too. Moms, please share this with the fathers of your children; dads, please be challenged and let me know what steps you’ve taken to protect your kids online.
From Facebook on Father’s Day, Sunday, June 18, 2017.
It’s Father’s Day and I’m thinking about some of the greatest opposition I face in our work to help parents protect their children online. You would think that kids would hate me. I’m the guy that comes in and sets up restrictions on their phones and computers. They’re not the ones giving me the stank eye, though, it’s the dads.
Too often, the worst critic of my attempt to block pornography from the family computer or phones is the father. “Well, is this going to block dumb stuff?” “Is YouTube going to be useless now?” I am constantly hearing concern that in my attempt to protect their children from cyber bullying, adult content, porn, or sexting I’ll inconvenience dad in some way.
Please understand that there have been many dads who were totally onboard and even some who have admitted to wanting better accountability for themselves but those dads aren’t the norm. I hear moms who are exasperated, sometimes to tears, because they want to keep their kids safe while dad is calling it “no big deal.” Again, the father too often seems to be more concerned about facing limitations of his own than the digital health and boundaries he’s setting for his family.
Step up dads. If your kids need accountability then so do you. You should have it installed on your devices first. You should set the filters more strict than necessary and tell your kids that it’s annoying sometimes but it’s worth it because the alternative is something you don’t want to face. I wish I got more emails or calls from dads (I’ve had some) that are desperate to set boundaries for their kids’ internet use. I pray that it will change. Dads, we MUST be the example of the change we want to see. Call me. Let’s get your family a gift this father’s day. The gift of your commitment to higher standards while online.
If you need help. Let me know EMAIL ME or contact me on Facebook or Instagram. I’d love to give you a hand.
Watching other people play video games may not be something that you, as a parent, understand. The truth, however, is that it isn’t weird. It’s called esports and its popularity has grown in leaps and bounds. In fact, the recently released Kleiner Perkins 2017 Internet Trends report states that the popularity of esports has grown 40% every year. Also, 40% of the demographic that your kids belong in (millennials) even state that they prefer esports to traditional sports.
Esports is growing all over the world it allows those with video game skills to test their abilities against the best on our globe. Most esport competitions begin with online qualifying matches and then culminate in an actual tournament style playoff in front of a live, and online audience. You can find an esports league for pretty much any video game you play. There are sports gaming leagues, Role Playing Game leagues, first person shooter game leagues, and even leagues and competitions for the most casual of puzzle games.
Not all video gaming entertainment is competition based. “Let’s Play” video games on YouTube and LiveStreams on Twitch have also seen a massive increase in popularity. These videos feature gamers playing their favorite games and narrating their experience while thousands of fans watch and comment on the videos. On Twitch, streamers react in real time to the comment section or “twitch chat” allowing them to engage with their viewers and even let those watching help them make in-game decisions and strategies. These Let’s Play gamers build large communities that are extremely faithful and supportive. Many have even been able to make gaming their full time job because of ad revenue and the generosity of their viewing community.
What Parents Should Know
First of all I recommend you take the idea of esports being a fad out of your mind completely. The truth is that esports is simply the next phase of the same video game culture that started while or before you were even a child. When people start to do something that takes any level of skill, opportunities to measure your skill against opponents will soon follow. Then, of course comes the chance to play for money since these competitions will surely draw a crowd who will pay for the privilege to be entertained by your tournament. Just think about poker or chess or cheerleading. These are all things that many start out doing as a hobby but there is a real competitive culture for these activities and therefore, a real industry. Video Gaming is no different.
As far as your kids’ safety, I recommend that you know what games and gamers they like to watch. Get into that world a little bit for yourself and learn who these people are that your kid is watching play. There are adults that play games you kids love on YouTube but they don’t use very kid friendly language while they play. There are also people on YouTube who play very adult oriented games. You should have a general idea who your kids are viewing and what kind of content they share. The best way to do this is to share their YouTube and Twitch account and keep an eye on who they follow or subscribe to and their viewing history. I know this just adds more pieces to the internet safety puzzle but it’s worth the effort.
The Internet of Things has made its way into our homes and we are becoming increasingly used to being tracked and monitored. In this, part two, of our connected home series, we’ll look at advertising and what it means to our privacy, our homes, and our families.
Advertising
Our society has become so accustomed to our data being used to advertising that we aren’t even creeped out by the ads on Facebook reflecting our Amazon searches last night. When we get spam email based on what we did online last week, we just hit the delete button and think nothing of it. Individualised targeted advertising is a part of everyday life now and that’s probably not ok. When everything in our home is connected to the network we are feeding data miners with so much advertising fodder that it will become impossible to ignore the onslaught of targeted ads we will recieve. Imagine when your fridge can tell that you’re out of milk, so you get an advertisement for a coupon at Walmart in your email fifteen minutes after you’ve poured the last bit into your cereal. That sounds a bit creepy to me.
When products like Google Home are “always listening” we have to wonder what some of that innocent conversation data can be worth to advertisers. Currently the policy is to not store any of that information but will the financial bottom line ever outweigh the disapproval of consumers? Is it possible that we will get so used to this targeted advertising that we won’t be phased by it anymore? Imagine standing on your back porch talking to your spouse about wanting to enclose it someday to make a screened in sitting area. What if, the following day, you saw advertisements for builders, finish carpenters, and handymen? Would that freak you out? Right now it may but if we continue to adapt to the “internet of things” we will soon take, even that level of targeted advertising, in stride. It will just become normal, everyday life. Especially for our children.
What Parents Should Know
Keep in mind that your children are a multi-billion dollar industry. Every time they play a game online or watch a video, they’re being marketed to. There is no way to avoid some of that marketing but there are ways to be smart about how we allow the corporations that sell us everything we use to come in contact with our children. As mentioned in part one, experts advise that if you are concerned about potential breaches in privacy while using a smarthome or digital personal assistant you should just avoid getting one. If you’re someone who thinks that the conveniences outweigh the potential concerns then take the steps necessary to shield your kids from targeted advertising as much as possible.
Set parental controls if your devices have them. Make sure your usernames and passwords have been changed from the default ones and that you have read and understand the privacy terms of the product you have purchased. Set any privacy settings that may be available with your children in mind, not just yourself or other adults. Always remember that your child can activate Alexa, Echo, or Google Home as easily as you can. They aren’t equipped with voice recognition (yet) so you must have the safety features set up before you allow your child to use your digital PA. More on those safety settings in part three, tomorrow.
