Family Tech Blog

Tag: parenting

  • Five Internet Safety Mistakes Parents Make

    Five Internet Safety Mistakes Parents Make

    I spend most days trying to help parents make and implement an internet safety plan. Too often I run into hurdles that I have to jump over in order to help them out. Here are five of the most common mistakes that get in the way of parents’ internet safety strategy.

    1. Secrecy

    Parents of older kids want to give their kids freedom on their devices but keep an eye on them at the same time. I’m often asked how to do that without the kids knowing mom and dad are watching. My answer is usually, “don’t do that.” The goal is building trust and a better understanding of responsible technology use and internet accountability. Sneaking around and spying on your kid, while it may seem like a good way to see what they’re actually in to, is an even better way to ensure they won’t ever come to you when they need to talk to someone about what they’ve seen or experienced online. Obviously, if they know you’re watching and you approach them about something you didn’t approve of then they’ll know it’s coming and will be ready to have that discussion. If you have to talk with them about something you caught them doing while you were sneaking around they’ll see that as a breach of trust and you’ll find yourself with a much harder road to travel from then on. The best thing about transparency is that your kids are more likely to make better decisions when they know they’ll be held accountable for those decisions. Telling them you’re watching them can lead to better responsibility.

    2. Giving Up

    Setting digital boundaries is not easy. There will be arguments, sneaky kids, tutorial videos, and lots and lots of research. The key is to never give up. Things change fast and it truly is difficult to keep up. You have to find the resources that you trust that can help you stay informed. You should find the people you know can help you set your boundaries up to fit your needs. You have to keep reading up on what’s going on in the digital world your kids live in. If you give up you will get left behind and that means you’re not keeping your children safe.

    3. Sharing Passwords

    As obvious as this may seem, I have to say it. You must resist the temptation to reveal passwords to your kids. What happens is that kids (especially the younger ones) get tired of what they’re doing very quickly. When they are playing a game and you have it set with guided access or something like it that won’t allow them to back out of the app you will have to be the one who has to switch apps for them. Unless you just tell them the password. More convenient? Maybe. Safe? Absolutely not! There is honestly no reason at all to have any kind of boundaries set up if you are easily urged to hand over the passwords to the tools you use to establish those boundaries. Passwords are meant to keep the parental controls within the controls of the parents. Again, seems obvious, but you would be shocked at how many people have to be reminded of this truth.

    4. Not Starting

    The hardest step to take in protected your family online is the first one. Creating your internet safety plan begins with assessing the current situation in your home. That can be overwhelming at best, and extremely discouraging at worst. Some families don’t even know how many devices are in their home or who they all belong to. I worked with a family once that was shocked when their kids kept bringing phones down out of their rooms over and over again. Come to find out, their friends would give them their old phones and they’d use them on wifi when they were grounded from their own. Yes, it is discouraging but it is absolutely necessary. You need to have a plan and you must have conversations with your kids about that plan. You can’t do anything, though, if you never start. Begin today! Email me if you’d like. I will help you get started.

    5. Never Updating Software

    I covered this in a recent post but I have to reiterate because its one of the most common mistakes I see parents make. If your accountability software, filter, or devices are not updated regularly then they aren’t as secure as you’re needing them to be. If you pay monthly for these apps and software then you aren’t getting what you’re paying for, you’re only getting part of it. Updating the software when you see the notification is critical for keeping your internet safety tools in full working order. Filters use updates to load the latest information that lets the filter know what sites should be blocked and what shouldn’t, other apps like accountability software use the updates to keep their “red-flagged sites” lists up to par with what’s out there. If you aren’t updating you are eliminating an entire piece of your digital boundaries puzzle.

    Don’t let yourself fall victim to any of these blunders of internet safety planning. Read all you can on this site and subscribe to our mailing list so you see the latest news. Keep track of internet safety news with other blogs and websites as well. Keep your software updated, talk to your kids about your plan, and for the love of facepalm emojis, get started as soon as you can.

  • Just Be Nice!

    Just Be Nice!

    A new study by the pew research center has highlighted that online harassment and bullying isn’t isolated to kids and teens. It seems that adults have become more comfortable with speaking their mind online even if what’s on their mind isn’t very nice. The study shows 27 percent of adults admit to being called “names” on social media and as many as 41 percent say they’ve been harassed in some way. This was up from 23% being called names and 35% being harassed in 2014.

    Obviously social media was the most popular platform that people reported seeing harassment. Men were the most harassed except for sexual harassment cases, more women admitted to being victims of unwanted sexual content including images sent over messaging. You can see more of the results in the chart below.

    What Parents Should Know

    How can we expect our kids and teens to stop or report bullying if we are participating as well? What example are we showing our kids when we profane someone because they disagree with something we said or shared online? Just because we aren’t face to face doesn’t mean the words don’t have an effect. These are things we should be teaching our kids but we obviously need to heed these warning ourselves.

    We’ve all heard the old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Apparently we have forgotten that what we say online still has consequences. This is the exact message that I have shared with teenagers and kids all over the country and I can guarantee I’ll be sharing the same message with adults now as well.

  • Snapchat Update Adds New Effects and Sharable Links

    Snapchat Update Adds New Effects and Sharable Links

    Snapchat’s latest update will give the camera background effects and allow you to change your voice without using one of their filters. The other major feature is the ability to share links and open them within Snapchat’s very own browser. While you can’t type a url into the address bar at the top of the browser you can click around online and end up at any website you’d like. That’s right, that means your kids can now browse the internet within Snapchat. This has always been possible in other social media apps like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook but now Snapchat will allow users to tap right on a picture and open a link without leaving the app.

    What Parents Should Know

    If the Discover Page, disappearing photos, private video chat, and SnapMap isn’t enough to put this on your uninstall list, perhaps the ability to access the entire internet without leaving the app will help you pull the trigger. Yes, this feature is available in other social media apps but when you factor in all of the other features that can be a detriment to your internet safety plan it puts Snapchat at the top of my uninstall list.

  • FB Now Boasts 2 Billion Users, What Does That Mean for Your Family?

    FB Now Boasts 2 Billion Users, What Does That Mean for Your Family?

    Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced today that the social media platform has surpassed 200 billion users every month. The growth has been said to come from a focus on developing countries and regaining lost users. Zuckerberg’s response to this growth was one of excitement and responsibility, he said:

    “We’re making progress connecting the world, and now let’s bring the world closer together.” -Mark Zuckerberg

    Facebook started in 2004 and reached 1 billion users in 2012. The social media is the most used platform with YouTube a distant second with 1.5 billion users every month. What’sApp and FB Messenger both have 1.2 billion but they are also owned by Facebook. The obvious staying power of Facebook is evident in these numbers and their strategy of gaining new users in developing countries and regaining users who had left Facebook is paying off. What do these numbers tell us about the state of Social Media and the Internet? (If they really are two different things.)

    1. Your kids are probably on Facebook.

    The joke has forever been that once parents started using Facebook the kids jumped off. In reality, your kids are most likely using Facebook again. The reason they’ve returned is simple. There is more there to offer. The option to adjust what they see on their timeline and what ads they see are appealing and the AR camera and story feature in Messenger and the Facebook app has come a long way to entice former users to give Facebook another try.

    2. The entire world is available to your kids on Facebook.

    Two billion users is almost a third of the entire world. That means the influence available to your kids is more global than ever. When you add in the other social media services your kids use the globe just gets even smaller. Every idea anyone has or has ever had is available to your children through social media. Every thought anyone has or has ever had on any topic is available to digest and use to develop their own beliefs and thoughts. The influence of the world available on social media has changed the way our kids grow up and what they believe tremendously and the more these services like Facebook grow the more confusing some of these voices can be. There is, of course, a great opportunity to help your kids understand the larger world they live in but you have to help them navigate that world in a healthy way.

    3. Your example of internet citizenship is more important than ever.

    The globalization of our kids’ influences through social media should be a wake up call for parents. We need to understand the responsibility we have to keep our kids protected from the many dangers that are available to them online and to teach them how to be a good citizen of the internet. What do we do when we see something that could be fake or click-bate? Do we fall for the trap? What photos do you share? Are you smart with how you broadcast your location? These are all important safety concepts that our kids have to understand. The best way they’ll learn this wisdom is by watching us implement it ourselves.

    Facebook is proud that they’re the pinnacle of social media greatness. Mark Zuckerberg is emphasizing the responsibility they have to use this influence to bring people together and not tear them apart. Recent news and election cycles have been an example of how social media can cause people to ignore facts and strengthen their own beliefs with information from sources that haven’t been proven or vetted at all. Facebook is doing what they can to curb this trend. The reality, however, is that it’s up to us as the citizens of these social media services to make the right choices and to teach our kids how to do the same thing. The responsibility lies with us, not with Mark Zuckerberg or Facebook. These tech giants are going to make choices based on what is right for their companies and we, as parents and leaders, have to step up and make the choices that are right for our families.

  • New Filters, Reactions, and Screenshot Controls in FB Messenger

    New Filters, Reactions, and Screenshot Controls in FB Messenger

    Facebook is updating their camera in Messenger so you can have some new AR filters while video chatting. The first is Filters which will add color schemes and other effects to your video feed. Reactions will allow you to use the like/love/emoji reactions you can use on FB posts to enhance your live video chat experience. Finally the screenshot button will let you take a still image of your chat with a simple tap of the screen instead of having to fumble around with the hardware buttons on your phone.

    Obviously Facebook is doing its best to separate itself from the rest of the video chatting market. These new features make Facebook live video chatting more interesting than Skype or FaceTime and definitely go a long way to compete against Snapchat’s offerings. What will this all mean for our families? Well, the main thing to remember is that your kids should only be chatting with people they know.

    What Parents Should Know

    It’s important that your kids understand the dangers of video chatting with anyone they don’t know. Messenger uses your friends list to populate your contacts so, in theory, your kids should only be chatting with friends. These augmented reality filters and reactions will add to the reasons to want to upgrade a text messaging session to video chat so if you’re against video chatting by principle then you’ll want to keep them off of FB Messenger. I recommend keeping an eye on who your kids have been messaging no matter what platform they use or if it’s by text, images, or videos. You can do this a number of ways but none is better than having their passwords and checking in on their account regularly. As always I recommend you have a conversation with your children about what they are and aren’t allowed to do on messenger and why. Let them know you’re keeping an eye on things and don’t sneak around. You want your kids on your team.

    Want to get exclusive content and support our work to keep you more informed about your kid’s digital culture? You can partner with us at Patreon.com/BecauseFamily.

  • PODCAST: Is My Kid Safe on Tumblr?

    PODCAST: Is My Kid Safe on Tumblr?

    Podcast: Play in new window

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | RSS

    FAMILY TECH WEEKLY: Tumblr “safe mode” is a joke, Musical.ly is bringing original show content, and you can now hide images in Instagram.

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  • Diagnosing Your Tech Safety Needs with 3 Questions

    Diagnosing Your Tech Safety Needs with 3 Questions

    After I do a workshop and unpack the many threats and resources related to internet safety I am met with several different responses. One of the most common is the overwhelmed parent who wants to do something to help their kids be safe but doesn’t know where to start. These are the parents that I try to set up a consultation with to diagnose their internet safety needs. Here are the three questions I ask to help them make a plan and what their answers tell me.

    Question 1: How many devices are in your home?

    First of all I need to know how many phones, tablets, computers, game systems, smart TVs, and such you have floating around your house. I get all kinds of answers to this question and they all require a different approach. The main thing I need to know is who uses what devices and if everyone has their own. If everyone is using their own then something like Circle is a good idea because you can give each family member a profile and assign their devices to their account, thus, applying restrictions to each device depending on who uses it. If there are shared deices in the home it changes things. This requires you to use something like net-nanny or an accountability software like Accountable2You so that you can either have different accounts per device (on computers) or have an overall scan to catch and report any unsavory activity. This allows you to approach each situation and correct what’s allowing inappropriate content to get through. Try taking an inventory of all the electronic devices that are in your home. This will help you have a better understanding of your internet safety needs and what solutions will work best.

    Question 2: What are your devices mostly used for?

    You’ll need different options for devices that are used for research than for entertainment only. If your child likes to wander around on YouTube then you’ll want to set up the safe-search settings and install something that can keep some of the more mature content away from them. If they’re searching Google for school or other projects then you’ll have to be sure your internet filter and accountability software are strong. Smaller children can be protected by settings or apps that lock them out of other apps and browsers while your older kids can be trained by time limits, bed times, and wifi pausing features. The purpose of the device will go a long way to define the settings you’ll need to lock them down in the best, most helpful way.

    Question 3: Who are you protecting?

    The gender, age, and previous behavior of your kids are important for determining how you should protect your kids online. Older kids need to be protected from things they may seek out while younger kids usually happen upon inappropriate content on accident. Girls (often boys as well) should be monitored on social media, boys are especially prone to constant video gaming, and any child who’s been caught doing something unsavory in the past should have more strict boundaries set up for them. Knowing who you’re protecting is just as important as knowing what devices you have and what they’re used for.

    It’s Time to Evaluate!

    So now it’s up to you to start asking yourself these questions. Maybe sit down with your family and discuss the questions together. Talk with them about what healthy boundaries would look like in your home and task some of your older kids with seeking out some internet safety solutions. Work together to find the filters, accountability software, time management apps, and devices that are right for your family. Building this plan as a team will help you find keep the plan in place as you have all contributed to the strategy equally. As always, please send us an email or comment on this post if we can help you with your plan in any way.

  • YouTube’s Restricted Mode to Allow Non-Graphic LGBTQ Content

    YouTube’s Restricted Mode to Allow Non-Graphic LGBTQ Content

    Restricted Mode Guidelines for YouTube have been updated to allow for content from the LGBTQ community as long as it doesn’t contain content deemed graphic. YouTube restated their firm support for those in the LGBTQ community and apologized for content from that community being blocked by their previous restriction guidelines. The update has specifically unblocked over 12 million videos that were previously blocked by the restrictions for some reason. The statement says that the goal was never to keep the voices of those in the LGBTQ community silent but only to provide an option to institutions that would prefer to keep the “adult” side of YouTube off their screens.

    Restricted Mode was originally designed as an optional feature for public institutions like libraries and schools to prevent the viewing of mature content on YouTube. But in looking more closely at the feature, we found that there was LGBTQ (and other) content that should have been included in Restricted Mode but was not, like kissing at weddings, personal accounts of difficult events, and speaking out against discrimination. – YouTube Creator Blog

    You can read YouTube’s full statement here. 

    What Parents Should Know

    These different guidelines have taken effect immediately and some previously blocked content will already be available. Parents should know what their kids are watching. This is the only way to uphold the values you have decided your family should live by. YouTube and other companies have an obligation to provide content for every member of their audience. It is not their obligation to keep any message from your child’s ears and mind. Depending on your stance, you should be the one making the decisions for what your children are allowed to watch, whether you use monitoring software or keep your eyes on the content with them.

  • Can Your Kids Now Hide Photos from You Right in Instagram?

    Can Your Kids Now Hide Photos from You Right in Instagram?

    Kids hide images on their phones in several ways and for many reasons. Some just don’t want all of their embarrassing goofy pictures with their friends to be shared. Sometimes there’s a more sinister reason. Something involving sexting or cyberbullying. Kids can use different kinds of apps to lock away photos. There are some that look like calculators or phone utilities apps and still some that don’t hide what they do. Now, Instagram is allowing posts to be saved within the app without being made public. It’s called Archive.

    Instagram’s new archive feature allows users to remove posts from their feed without deleting them. It allows you to put the photos in an archive to be looked at in the future and even reposted. If you do repost it falls back in its original chronological order so it kind of just magically reappears where it was originally. A little arrow clock icon in the upper right corner of your profile page in the Instagram app will give you access to your archived posts. You can fill the archives by tapping on the “…” in the upper right of a post. Then just tap “Archive.”

    Why would you want to archive photos? Well, some may decide later that their post wasn’t something they’d want everyone to see. Maybe the pictures from the party you attended last month wouldn’t look good to that employer you just applied for a job with. No problem, just archive those things and you can still see them without them being public. Maybe you broke up with that guy or girl and don’t want everyone to see you together all over your Instagram page. Well, just archive them and they become a private photo stash for you to weep over on your own. Your kids will even use the feature to hide posts that didn’t get as many likes as they want.

    What Parents Should Know

    I recommend you understand the Archive feature on Instagram and learn how to find it on your kids’ profile. If you often take your kids’ phone and look at their social media behavior this is a way for them to share a photo for a brief time and then save it to an archive, knowing you’ll be looking at their feed later. If you don’t know how to access the Archived photos it’s possible you can miss some of what they’ve been posting. “Finstagram” or Spam accounts are popular with teens because it’s a way to have a more private collection of photos that they don’t share with many people. I recommend you find out if your kid has a spam account and follow it. I now, recommend you check to see what photos they’ve archived as well.

  • This Social Media Parody App May Cause You to Re-Think Everything

    This Social Media Parody App May Cause You to Re-Think Everything

    There are more articles on this site about social media than any other topic. I truly believe that social media is not a part of the internet, it is the reality of what the world wide web is now all about. Every site you visit has a social aspect, even if it’s just a way to connect to your favorite social media platform. Our businesses are run through social media and advertising is more prevalent and successful on our newsfeeds than nearly anywhere else. Social media isn’t a fad or a trend. It’s the world we live in and for some, it’s an addiction.  A new app, Binky, is providing a bit of a caricature of the social media lifestyle and it may just be something you should check out.

    Binky is a social media simulator (more like a parody) app that started as a joke. It simulates the features of most status and photo sharing social media platforms by giving you a seemingly endless stream of fake posts to scroll through. As you scroll you’ll see absolutely random and unrelated images with captions that may or may not make sense. You have the option to “Bink,” (read: Like) comment or “Re-Bink” (read: Share) the images that you’re scrolling through. When you click the Bink button you get an explosion of stars from under your tapping finger and a delightful bloop bloop sound. Commenting is my favorite feature of this app because it doesn’t actually let you say anything. Every letter you type after tapping the comment icon automatically puts in a word to form a randomly generated comment of text and emoji complete with meaningless hashtags. Finally, when you share the app you’ll receive a notice that asks if you are sure you want to “Re-Bink” this post. You’re reminded that the Re-Bink doesn’t actually do anything but it actually does. You get an explosion of thumbs up icons. That’s it though, there is not really anyone to  share with in Binky.

    What is the point?

    There really isn’t a point, except for satire and parody. You may be able to say that using this app is a bit eye opening, however. I think it was for me. As I mindlessly scrolled through Binky and clicked on the meaningless buttons and commented the automatically generated sentences on each post I couldn’t help but think about how not far from actual social media this was. What difference does what I do on Instagram or Facebook actually have? Is it any more that my activity on Binky today? I don’t know for sure but I think thinking this way is a good thing. We tend to be so concerned about how we look online that many of us, especially your teen and young adult children, may actually put on a false persona on our social media pages. Binky was a way for me to see the ridiculousness of working so hard to get more likes, comments, and shares.

    What Parents Should Know

    As I said before this app isn’t a real social media app. There is no social aspect to it at all. It’s more like a simulation of social media. Something to give us another perspective on what our behavior online truly looks like. I recommend spending some time messing with this app and encouraging your young teens and teens to install it and play around on it. It’s not only humorous but could lead to some conversations on the futility of living your life and finding your worth on social media. Maybe, just maybe, you can use an app like Binky to start a conversation that could help you make some good decisions with your kids on what healthy social media use looks like in your family.