Family Tech Blog

Tag: bullying

  • These Apps Aren’t as Harmless as they Seem

    These Apps Aren’t as Harmless as they Seem

    Our kids use all kinds of different apps for many different reasons. Some for socializing, some for fun, and some for school and productivity. We don’t think twice about letting our kids use Google Documents or even the Bible app. Yet many of these apps aren’t as harmless as they seem. I receive messages from parents a lot asking if I have seen the latest awful thing people have done online. The answer is usually yes, and I am not surprised. For the last five years I’ve been learning about the digital/connected world our kids are growing up in and how it impacts our children and our families.

    Something I’ve learned is that if there is a system or an app that can be exploited to do harm, those who wish to cause harm will use it to do so. You see it yourself in your Facebook comments as some friends think it is the perfect forum for their disruptive thoughts. Worse still is the story from Bark’s project that put a 37 year old mom on instagram posing as a 13 year old girl. The response was shocking with inappropriate pictures and requests filling her direct messages just minutes after posting her first picture. The social function in the YouVersion Bible App being used to groom potential predatory victims. Google docs being used by young people for bullying, secret messaging, and sexting.

    It is shocking but I’m not surprised.

    What is our response to this tendency for people to use something meant for good and using it for the worst intentions. We can’t hide our head in the sand and keep our kids from using technology at all. This just isn’t realistic. We won’t be writing paper letters and saying no to laptops for school projects. The only reasonable response is to take responsibility for our children’s safety ourselves. We can no longer trust the apps that they use blindly, imagining that no harm can come to them simply because the app wasn’t meant for harm.

    We have to help our kids remember that the same stranger danger that is true when you’re six and at the playground is just as real when you’re fifteen and connected in direct messages by people you don’t know. I am not surprised by the nonsense that is happening on these apps. I just know that we, parents, are the only answer. People always find a way to ruin things that were meant for productivity or good. My advice is to talk to your kids. Help them know that. Tell them that if they are contacted by a stranger, even in an app like the Bible App they take caution. Remind them that they should say something if they see bullying online, even in a class Google Document.

    Our children are surrounded by voices telling them all kinds of truths. If you aren’t creating a safe place for them to come and be open with you about their concerns then you’re making it hard for them to live in this connected world. Do your best to be who they need you to be. I’m here to help.

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  • I Can’t Help You Protect Your Kids on Apps Meant for Adults

    I Can’t Help You Protect Your Kids on Apps Meant for Adults

    I field messages and requests all week long from parents who want the latest tools for keeping their kids safe online. They ask about everything from YouTube to Instagram to Snapchat and want apps that will monitor social media use, block adult content, and limit screen time. While there are resources to help parents in each of those departments, some apps just aren’t intended for your younger child. Unfortunately many parents have a real problem giving in to that fact.

    Streaming Videos

    Let’s look at YouTube as our first example. The video app was created in 2005 as a place for anyone to upload short videos to share with their friends. Google purchased YouTube in 2006 and Social Media became popular soon after, rocketing YouTube to the successful streaming platform it has become. The site is loaded with videos from filmmakers, vloggers, video gamers, makeup artists, geeks, professionals, educators, ministers, animators, artists, basically any category you can think of. It has evolved into an immovable force on which there are 300 minutes of footage uploaded every single minute. YouTube has come under fire for some of their content being too mature or sensitive and so they’ve employed algorithms to keep tabs on inappropriate videos. They also released n app for children called YouTube Kids. This app has also seen its share of controversy after YouTube has been unable to keep sensitive material from showing up in videos on the app.

    YouTube obviously wasn’t intended for young viewers. It is a site that is populated primarily by videos uploaded by its users. Some companies that make content for kids use YouTube but this is a choice by these companies in response to the popularity of the platform. It’s an attitude that says: “Kids are there, so we should be there too.” The goal is to reach the audience already there, not necessarily to build an audience on YouTube. There are no real parental controls (safe search is mostly useless) and videos that are labeled as kid friendly are done so without any human eyes ever seeing the entire video. The only time a content reviewer sees the video is when enough users of the site have flagged it as inappropriate. Allowing your kids to watch YouTube on their own is a risk that many parents don’t even realize they are making.

    What about Social Media?

    Snapchat, Instagram, or Facebook are all the same. They, like YouTube, feature content created and posted by the users of the service. This “User Generated Content” can vary from political or religious views, to silly cat videos or memes, and random personal updates that mean nothing to anyone. People also post updates on their serious mental health issues, they share about their plans to harm themselves or others, the post images of themselves in compromising situations, and that’s just what people post publicly. Private messaging contains content that people post when they think nobody except those they trust is watching. Private messaging is how predators groom their victims. It’s how the out of control teenage boy convinces the girl to send him inappropriate pictures of herself. Social Media is intended to be a place to connect with people, some you may know, some you don’t. It is meant to be a public forum and that which is meant to be private, is meant to be completely private. This is where the problems come in when parents ask for ways to monitor their kids social media.

    Age Rating vs Terms and Agreements

    I see a lot of parents giving their kids access to social media and other online activities when they reach the age of 13. This is based on the fact that the terms and agreements that these sites have you approve before making an account list 13 as the minimum age to use their service. A common mistake parents make is thinking that this age is meant to protect their kids from content on the site when, in fact, it’s intended to protect the company from having data and information on kids under the age of 13. COPPA laws say that companies can’t collect and use information of kids under 13 without parental consent. If a company says you can’t use the site if you’re under 13 then they can do whatever they want with all of that data and if your kid is underage, it isn’t their fault. You ignored the Terms and Agreements when you allowed them to use the site.

    Age rating is the age recommendation you’ll see in the app store when you are downloading and app. This age restriction is based on the actual content in the app, not any legal requirements for the company. The usual standard is that apps populated by user generated content are rated 17+. This is because the company can’t guarantee that what is seen on their product won’t be considered adult content. When we allow our kids to use apps that contain user generated content we are allowing them to be subject to the opinions, behavior, and whims of everyone else who uses that app.

    Parental Involvement Before Parental Control

    When I am asked to help parents protect their kids in apps that are obviously not made for children I feel like I’m being asked to give parents a suit their kids can wear to protect them while they play in a burning building. I get it. It isn’t easy to tell your kids they can’t do something they want to do. “My friends are all on Snapchat.” or the one that irritates me to no end, “The teacher/coach says I have to use Facebook to get the homework/practice schedule.” Sometimes we just have to say no. It is difficult to set the boundaries and limits that keep our kids safe but if we have the right attitude about what we’re protecting them from it becomes easier. Social Media, YouTube, video games that are rated M for mature, non of these things are intended for people under the age of 17 and when we allow our kids to use these products, we open them up to a world that is meant for adults.

    It is difficult for algorithms to catch nudity or violence in uploaded videos. Social Media sites and private messaging apps go to great lengths to keep prying eyes from seeing what is being sent. This makes parental monitoring software hard to develop. Unfortunately some burning buildings are just too dangerous and there isn’t much that can be done to protect you if you’re inside. If you aren’t ok with your child seeing content that is meant for grown ups then I recommend thinking about uninstalling that app instead of trying to find software that doesn’t it allow it to do what it was intended to do.

  • Instagram’s Comment Controls Can Help Parents Breathe a Little Easier

    Instagram’s Comment Controls Can Help Parents Breathe a Little Easier

    Cyberbullying and suicide are two of the most dangerous symptoms of our digital culture. Suicide is now the third leading cause of death among teens and half of all teens admit to having been bullied online. One of the major ways these bullies find their foothold is through comments on social media. My advice to parents is always to keep their kids away from online comments as much as possible. Instagram’s new comment control feature will help moms and dads be more effective. Their new live video reporting feature could even save lives.

    Comment Controls

    Instagram wants you to have control over who sees what you post. They’re also giving you control over what people say about your selfies and food pics. Well, not as much what they say but who is saying it. If you are concerned about random strangers contacting your kids on Instagram through their comments section you can have them set their post comments to private. There are actually four settings, Everyone, Your Followers, People You Follow, or People You Follow and Your Followers. These settings allow you to set a smaller group of folks who can comment on your kids’ posts. This can be very helpful but only if your kid agrees with your motives. These settings aren’t password protected so they can be reset at any time. The best way to ensure they’re keeping their settings as you’d want them is to check in on who’s commenting on them. If you don’t recognize them from your child’s account then you should ask about it.

    Live Video Reporting

    Instagram has also added a reporting feature to highlight when someone may be considering self-harm or harming others while filming a live video. If the video is reported they’ll be shown a message that encourages them to reach out for help. Instagram has trained staff available 24/7 to accept messages from people who reach out via the Instagram Live reporting feature. Their hope is to give friends a way to help friends stay safe and maybe even choose to stay alive. What a great way to be encouraged that people care about you. This feature is also available on Facebook Live.

    What Parents Should Know

    Some social media sites are leaning towards the most public and open atmosphere possible (here’s looking at you Snapchat) which can be dangerous for our kids. Instagram and Facebook seem to be taking notice of our desire to keep some things private or in our chosen circle of friends. Understanding and using these features is very important for parents as we work to keep our kids safe online. Be sure to keep yourself informed.

    If you’re looking for even more info about how to protect your children online, you can contact me (Michael) about hosting a workshop to train you and your friends on family internet safety. Home workshops are free and are available all over the country through Skype. Email me at BecauseFamily@gmail.com to learn more.

  • Bullying in 2017

    Bullying in 2017

    Ditch the Label has released their annual bullying survey and the results aren’t surprising at all.  It seems that bullying is increasing and people feel more comfortable bullying online than offline. They surveyed over 10,000 people between the ages of 12 and 20. The people they surveyed all lived in the UK and could answer gender identity, race, religion, and other questions to help get information about the reasons behind bullying. You can see some screenshots of the results I found interesting below.

    Another interesting fact pulled from this study was that young people considered Instagram the most common social media site for bullying. Facebook came in a close second. The reasons for bullying varied greatly in the study with appearance and interests/hobbies being the most common and gender identity, sexuality, and religion all coming in near the bottom of the list. This is the largest study of its kind with some of the most extensive and well rounded results we’ve ever seen. This should be a great resource to parents, teachers, and school officials.

    What Parents Should Know

    I preach research and education for parents every single day. This is the kind of information parents need to be aware of. Notice that in the final screenshot about who kids went to when they were bullied, those who say they reported to a family member said they had the highest satisfaction in the support they received. Parents, aunts, uncles, grandparens, and everyone else with a family relationship to a young person need to be ready to have these conversations about bullying and how to handle it. It’s important to understand the issues facing your teens and to know how technology has escalated these issues.

    Go read up and learn all you can. You can see the entire report from Delete the Label on this PDF here.

  • Just Be Nice!

    Just Be Nice!

    A new study by the pew research center has highlighted that online harassment and bullying isn’t isolated to kids and teens. It seems that adults have become more comfortable with speaking their mind online even if what’s on their mind isn’t very nice. The study shows 27 percent of adults admit to being called “names” on social media and as many as 41 percent say they’ve been harassed in some way. This was up from 23% being called names and 35% being harassed in 2014.

    Obviously social media was the most popular platform that people reported seeing harassment. Men were the most harassed except for sexual harassment cases, more women admitted to being victims of unwanted sexual content including images sent over messaging. You can see more of the results in the chart below.

    What Parents Should Know

    How can we expect our kids and teens to stop or report bullying if we are participating as well? What example are we showing our kids when we profane someone because they disagree with something we said or shared online? Just because we aren’t face to face doesn’t mean the words don’t have an effect. These are things we should be teaching our kids but we obviously need to heed these warning ourselves.

    We’ve all heard the old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Apparently we have forgotten that what we say online still has consequences. This is the exact message that I have shared with teenagers and kids all over the country and I can guarantee I’ll be sharing the same message with adults now as well.

  • Use Twitter’s New Tools to Protect Your Kids from Trolls

    Use Twitter’s New Tools to Protect Your Kids from Trolls

    Surprisingly, more of our teenagers are using twitter than you may think. The common attitude among young people is it’s a good place to express yourself even if you’re not sure anyone is listening. Twitter is still a place for teens to go public with their thoughts and opinions. The potential problem with such expression is that there are always those out there wanting to counter your opinion. Often this takes on the form of trolling or bullying. Twitter has released some tools that can help their users filter out some of those trolls and parents need to learn how to use them.

    Twitter was in the news last year because of a common theme of internet trolls bullying users, especially celebrities. This caused Twitter to begin working on some new ways to “clean up” what you see in your feed. In the last several days Android and Desktop Twitter users were given the power to block notifications of posts from certain types of accounts, including those who haven’t verified their email address and phone number. The common practice of these trolls is to create fake accounts just for the sole purpose of messing with someone. They don’t verify the account or even include a profile picture, displaying the default bird’s egg logo instead. The new tools developed by Twitter will allow these trolls to be filtered out by simply clicking a couple of checkboxes.

     

    What Parents Should Do

    Suicide is now the third leading cause of death among teens and a teen that is cyberbullies is ten times more likely to think about killing themselves. These statistics are a reality in this digital world and are a wake up call that parents need to take the opportunity to filter content in their kids social media feeds seriously. These notification filters can help remove some of the negative and hurtful people that just seem to want to make trouble on Twitter.

     

     

    Take note of the above picture. If you go to the notifications tab on twitter you’ll see a Settings link on the upper right. Click that link and you should see something similar to this image. It’s pretty straight forward but if you turn off notifications for anyone who hasn’t set up their profile picture, validated their email, or linked their phone number you’ll eliminate many of those troll accounts that cause so much trouble. Remember that Twitter and other social media sites contain “User Generated Content” and therefore, can’t be considered safe for anyone under 17. This means you should keep an eye on what your child or teen seeing on Twitter and have conversations with them about it. As them why they use Twitter. Find out if they’ve ever been teased or bullies on the app. If so, ask what they did about it and who they told. Kids who talk about being bullied are far less likely to take drastic measure as a result of it so open the lines of communication and be present when they need you. You should be that safe place they can come to with any problem. Bullying on social media is no exception.

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  • Twitter Changes Settings to Combat Bullying and “Hateful Posts”

    Twitter Changes Settings to Combat Bullying and “Hateful Posts”

     

    Twitter is working to decrease the amount of “hate speech” that happens in their social media site. They have made it possible for victims and bystanders to report hate speech that fits the following description:

    “specific conduct that targets people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or disease”

    Twitter didn’t stop there, though. They added something I’ve wanted social media to make available a long time ago. They now allow the filtering out or “Muting” of notifications that contain key words, phrases, and even emojis, that you consider offensive. While you may still see these posts in your timeline, you won’t be alerted to the post even if you are tagged in it.

    These major adjustments are seemingly more and more necessary due to the commonality of bullying on social media. Twitter has been in the news many times this year for different celebrities shutting down their Twitter accounts after being victims of racial or sexist bullying.

    Another neat thing about the new update is that hate speech reports are handled by human moderators, not algorithms. This means that each case will be handled by trained humans and not some bot that automatically shuts down an account after too many reports.

    What Parents Should Know

    This update is significant because it’s anti-hate speech and anti-cyberbullying. The way young people treat each-other online can be quite volatile. It seems that the apparent anonymity of social media gives kids a sense of invulnerability and they post whatever they think. Let’s be honest though, this isn’t just kids. These changes are happening because the problem has gotten bad enough that even some of our most loved celebrities are experiencing the backlash.

    Lets hope more and more social media sites begin to add these features. This will help us protect our kids and give them another way to protect themselves.