I remember being 18 years old and telling my friends I’ll never have a cell phone. “I just don’t want to be reachable all the time,” I would say. “Sometimes I want to be out of pocket.” Boy did that ever change. Now, 14 years later, I’m connected to every single person I know through my phone. Since I have a smartphone, I don’t even have to call anyone anymore. Text messaging and social media are the new “real world” and we are all fully aware of how we were kidding ourselves with that self-righteous “No cell phone for me” talk.
The iPhone turning ten years old today made me realize that many of our kids have never lived in a world without smartphone technology. Our kids are being called “digital natives.” They are comfortable in a world where all desired information is a few taps on a screen away. They can connect with the people they know without ever leaving home. They are accessible all of the time and many of them don’t know any different. As parents, how can we help our kids understand the importance of balance in an extra-digital society?
Take Influence Seriously
Influence is a resource. The impact we have on our children as parents is the most significant force in their lives. Even being uninvolved causes ripples in their lives, behavior, decisions, and thoughts. When it comes to technology our influence over them is just as significant as in any other area of life. Whether it’s the example we set with our tech use or the boundaries we lay out for them for theirs, we have to keep in mind the influence we are having over our kids and their use of their many mobile devices.
As we model a life of balance our children are able to, sometimes without knowing it, have a healthy view of our technology as resources instead of a way of life. Even parents like me, who are tied to their mobile phone or laptop for work, have to make obvious and intentional decisions to separate ourselves from our tech so that we can model a life of balance for our children. A major part of why this site was started in the first place was to help parents make the most of being the first influence in the lives of their children. If our kids are seeing us tapping our tablet screen all day and that’s it, they aren’t being influenced by us in the way that will help them grow into healthy, quality adults.
Dinnertime is FaceTime
There are multiple studies that have been released that show the value of a family mealtime. A common recommendation is at least once a week. Schedule a day when everyone must be home for dinner. Cook or order in something and sit around the table together. Make a rule that the wifi is off or paused and phones are set on a shelf or counter somewhere to charge during the planned dinner time. You may spend the first few attempts staring at each other but it will eventually be the activity that bonds your family like no other experience can. There are even websites and apps dedicated to giving you conversation starter ideas to help you break the ice for those first few experimental attempts.
Balance is not something you find. It’s something you create. – Jana Kingsford (MumsJugglingAct.com)
If we are going to create balance we have to either stop living at either extreme or find a way to exist in each extreme equally. If we take the time to sit and eat a meal together as a family every day or week we can start working towards a more balanced life as a family. If we are always headed our separate ways and even our times together at home are spent using our separate devices in separate areas of our house we will continue to see ourselves grow apart. Balance is the key and a family dinnertime is a great way to start your path toward that balance of screen-time vs facetime.
Understand that Digital is the New Reality
We aren’t living in a passing phase of technology. The digital and social media culture is here to stay and is going to get even more different as the years progress. If the three days of following CES taught me anything it’s that our world is only getting more digital. With virtual and augmented reality becoming a very real option for gaming, movies, and other entertainment it’s only a matter of time until we are updating our instagram stories by hitting a button on our smart-glasses or blinking a pattern so our contacts recognize what we are trying to post. It sounds like science fiction but it’s becoming more and more a reality.
Since this world is becoming increasingly real, we have to understand what’s happening and get on board with helping our children use these new inventions in a healthy way. We can’t blame inventors and CEOs of companies for bringing down our culture with their products when we are the ones buying them and letting our kids have full control of their usage.
I remember being told hundreds of times that folks aren’t ever going to want to type messages on a screen. “You have to have real buttons so you can feel them. I can’t handle that touchscreen stuff.” Well, ten years after the iPhone was announced, it’s hard to find a laptop that doesn’t fold into a touchscreen tablet. We live in the future and it’s coming faster than ever. No matter how futuristic the world seems the same principles apply. Mom and dad have to be the first influence in their children’s lives. This is how we raise kids who are safe, healthy, and whole.
Information about our work with families can be found at SAFE.BecauseFamily.org/about.