Keeping your family safe online is no easy task. An even harder task may be teaching your children and teenagers to be thoughtful with their smartphone use. The month of July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. Founded in 2002 by etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, Cell Phone Courtesy Month is a time to be reminded of the common pitfalls we fall into with our technology. Messing with your phone in the movie theater, scrolling social media during a date or family meal, talking too loud when you get a phone call in public are all tips that have been passed around over the years. These tips are considered proper at all times but July has been established as the month to highlight them. Here are my tips, not only for following proper cell phone etiquette but for teaching it to your kid.
1. Be the example.
Our kids catch more from our actions than we could ever teach them. If you want them to be thoughtful about how they use their devices, you have to be thoughtful yourself. Manage your screen time properly, set limits for yourself and keep them, make eye contact with them when they speak to you, and drop whatever you are doing of pause what you’re watching when they need your attention. It is also important that you show them when it is and isn’t appropriate to be using your phone. If you’re texting while driving or talking on the phone during a live performance or movie, they’re seeing that and deciding it’s ok and normal. Be the example for your kids.
2. Set boundaries.
Help your kids know what is healthy by enforcing boundaries in your own home. Something like a “no phones at the table” rule or “no tech in bed” can help them learn to set boundaries for themselves. As they get older it will be important to give them input on the limits you’ve set as they need to have more guidance than rules. We don’t allow our kids to watch or listen to tech devices while we ride in the car. This gives us an opportunity to speak to each other and have important conversations.
3. Prioritize enjoying over capturing.
One of the most common pitfalls of smartphone use is the desire to capture everything for posting on social media. We tend to miss much of what we should be experiencing because we have our eyes on our phones. You can teach your kids to have healthy priorities by making your experiences more about enjoying the moment than capturing them. When you’re at a theme park, sure take some photos, but don’t ruin the day by insisting that everyone pose in front of every cool thing you see or that they stand there forever until everyone is smiling. It can be really easy to turn a fun day out into a super annoying photo shoot just so that you can post something neat on Instagram. Also, don’t waste time posting your photos now, share them later after you’ve had your fun so that you are able to spend the time with those you are with.
4. Put socializing before social media.
We have a saying in my house, “Be with who you’re with.” If we can help our kids build their relationships on more face to face interaction we will be doing them a major favor. When we sit at dinner with a group of people, give your attention to the people around the table instead of the people you follow on Instagram. Use some previously mentioned car time to engage in meaningful conversation. There are many benefits of chatting with each other with eye contact and body movement. You are able to show more empathy, understand the tone of voice and expression much more easily and this helps you have a more significant conversation with one another, strengthening your relationship.
5. Set actual time limits.
The thing that becomes the most dangerous for us is the time we waste on our technology. It is critical to set some limits to keep our kids and ourselves from losing hours and hours per day in our phones. The first step to setting good limits is using an app like UnGlue to monitor your and your family’s usage for free. If you see that you’re spending too much time doing any one thing on your device subscribe to UnGlue and use it to set time limits for yourself and/or your kids. There are other tools for monitoring and setting screen time but UnGlue is our favorite. The most important part is seeing the amount of time you are spending on your devices. This is such an eye-opener and will cause you to move toward setting limits. Even for yourself. These limits will help you be healthier about how you spend your time and take your mind off the screen and on to living your life.
As I’ve said, being courteous with your smartphone use shouldn’t be something reserved for one month a year. Let this month be a reminder that you should always be setting proper priorities with your devices and teaching those priorities to your family. Model healthy tech use for your kids, set healthy boundaries, put personal socializing first and set some healthy time limits. These priorities will set the tone for better relationships and overall healthier lives.